Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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