Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
