My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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