hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
