she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
