I'm laying in your front yard are you home
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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