Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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