I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
