I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
