I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i will never coherently bang her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
