Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
