i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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