You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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