Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
