Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
ugly people sure do ruin things
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
