he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
