Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize