If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bet he comes in French.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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