Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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