3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
