party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
