i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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