There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
