Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
