this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Come share oat with me in your robe
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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