i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
