I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
