I smell stomach acid.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
