If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He has the fingertips of a God
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