something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize