The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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