Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
