I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
