im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
