Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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