I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
