HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
