we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
