It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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