they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
