dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
