he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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