he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
