I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love you.
Bad choice
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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