What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
