I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
