Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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