I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
