Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
