I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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