Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think i got beer on your cat.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
