Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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