left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
