You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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