He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
