I looked at my own cervix.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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