I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
