I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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