When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
