hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
