Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
