Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
