atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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