So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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