Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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