if i can run in heels then i can drive
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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