i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
