I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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