covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Acid is not a monday night drug
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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