Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
