the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
