she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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