She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
