Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
