He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
