I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
