I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
