He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
