I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
