I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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