My room smells like vodka and shame
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize